Let's begin!
Q: What does a reptile wear on its feet?
A: Snakers.
Q: What is a frog's favorite soda?
A: Croaka-Cola.
Q: How do you keep a nerd in suspense?
A: I'll tell you later!
Q: What do you call a boy who's been caught by a tribe of cannibals?
A: Stu.
That last one is my favorite. Your turn!
SIS Barb aka Elle J Rossi
Posts
8 comments:
Q: What do you call a happy mushroom?
A: A fun guy.
BJ,
That one made me laugh. Good one!
SIS Barb
Shoot! I don't have any kids, and my dog isn't the most creative when it comes to jokes. So I'll just paste some writing tips that have always cracked me up.
How to Write Good
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren't necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Understatement is always best.
15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
22. Don't never use a double negation.
23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
24. Do not put statements in the negative form.
25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
28. A writer must not shift your point of view.
29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.
32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
37. Always pick on the correct idiom.
38. The adverb always follows the verb.
39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.
Loved the nerd joke. *snort*
I don't know any jokes, so I borrowed one. :)
****
An author comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is--”
“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”
****
Heh.
SIS Beth
Remember, you asked for it...
What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer.
Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions?
What do you get when you squeeze an olive? Oliver Twist!
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens!
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? "Thanks, I'll never part with it!"
What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? Polly Unsaturated
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he
made a Boo-Boo.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin, get in the car".
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What do you call two men with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Curt and Rod (curtain rod)
Berinn,
I hadn't heard many of those. Too funny. Thanks for sharing. I think my favorite is #22!
SIS Barb aka Elle J Rossi
Beth,
That one always makes me laugh!
SIS Barb
Krys,
My kids will love the cat who swallowed the ball of yarn. I'm telling it at dinner tonight.
SIS Barb
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